Letting Go of a Life
Breaks Our Hearts Open
We are in the new moon solar eclipse alignment as I write. Today was energetically intense. I made a point of waking up in the wee hours for what seemed as though it would be a significant new moon alignment, and the day certainly lived up to that premonition. Deep peace flowed in, and then the day began.
It seems odd to track such things, but I have not been eating much for the past few weeks. Consumption of food has been a low priority. Today, that changed in a big way. Protein! I was reasonable with my intake, but still… tonight my body is slightly overwhelmed at what there is to process, even after insisting that the ballast was necessary. This is a massive multi-cyclic completion. Many of us knew this was coming, but we did not know exactly what ‘this’ was. Closure. Graduation/Commencement. Taking time in meditation tonight; the clarity is staggering. Who thought that would ever be possible?
I am sitting in a hotel near where I once lived. Everything has changed, and yet the closure loop is surreal. My housemate now was my flatmate then. I used to run on that beach…the sea and I remember those moments of shared joy. Today, the sea feels…wary. Or perhaps that is how the waters of my body feel during this cellular transition. I want to walk the sands, and yet I do not. Old sands have passed away. New sands are yet to form. My body feels like an hourglass whose sands have abandoned her. There is nothing but light and clarity {along with more than enough protein} within. Is it an entire cycle that waits to be digested?
Boundary issues surface in the entirety of their gestalts, streaming montages of lessons learned, assimilated, and integrating. Body needs to rest quietly. Sleep comes in odd batches. The NOW is so vastly present that anything other feels unimaginable.
How odd to be present with Presence and ‘visiting family.’ How strange to realize that some see ‘us’ as a ‘military family.’ Can ‘they’ even imagine how immeasurably foreign that feels to me? There is a line from the film The Old Guard, “You come from warriors.” Apparently so, and not in any of the ways I might have once imagined or processed. It has been a helpful framework for the life that is ending.
Today, I sat in my Father’s company, observing how much and how fast the weave of his being is dissolving. I keep hearing, “It is time.” I keep wanting to weep for no apparent reason. Oh yes, a cycle is ending. All cycles are ending. Physically, mentally, energetically, he has more and more moments of ‘not there,’ ‘not here,’ ‘not anywhere in particular.’ Some of us go through that process over and over again within an incarnation. Perhaps we all do. I can only say I know it well. I feel compelled to take my father’s hand and tell him that everything will be all right and that there is nothing to fear. He is the poster boy for this phase of mirroring. Patriarchal structure is crumbling on this world. All that is based upon it sifts away like sand with the tides. What a gift to see the weave unwinding and to have it be so clear! Thanks, Dad.
My Mum once told me that it was my Father who prayed for a sacred child. Little did he know. And yet… as I looked into his eyes today, I was suddenly, unexpectedly, and rather inexplicably grateful for the invitation. Like the updraft that calls in a lightning strike, his prayers and my Mum’s receptivity called out to Source. In a flash, I remembered how the incarnation process feels energetically. Their call created an opening. I guess I could say I took the bait, but that would be unkind. “Thank you for the opportunity. Thank you for holding a life thread for me. Now you can let go.”
Letting go of a life is often heartbreaking. It is the letting go that is the hard part, the tough stuff, and the challenge. For how many years have we been letting go of the current cycle of certain timelines? It feels like there could not possibly be more. And yet, this is a massive multi-cyclic implosion. How could there not be infinite endings to complete?
A blessed completion to this most recent eclipse window. May infinite beginnings find us all.
~ Namaste ~
