Unrecognizable Identity
Image, Clark Little, from Shutterstock
What is that fixed object that causes ripples, and upon which the waves break? Could it be an obsolete sense of self, a forgotten or discarded image?
As I am finally mostly vertical post-whatever-this-was, I have been feeling gloriously empty of any form of self. I woke from an early morning dream this morning, the kind I don’t usually entertain because I am up and about my day. I had been in a strange martial arts dojo, where no one knew who I was. I found myself wearing my uniform and belt, and being asked to stand with the other higher rankings.
As I had no intention of training again, I found this quite confusing. Then, I was again seated in the observer bleachers, and the chief instructor for Southeast Asia was sitting just behind my right shoulder. This man had been a guest in my house numerous times over many years and was my then-partner’s best friend, so it wasn’t at all odd to see Jonathan, except that it was. I left that life behind long ago. I chose Source.
As students milled about, waiting for the command to line up, Jonathan whispered over my shoulder, “I know you’re grieving. You don’t have to train.” I realized that I was no longer wearing my uniform or belt, thank goodness, and thought about his words. “I know you’re grieving.” The concept was odd enough to wake me up. There is so much grief on the planet right now. Somehow this was personal. This grief was part of my body and required release.
I sat up in bed, wondering, “Grieving what?” The head of my organization left the planet in December of 2018. I have no idea about my ex’s whereabouts, though this made me wonder. Then I saw an image of myself, at the head of my class, about to teach. Had part of me been holding onto that image, that identity, that ferocity? The kinesthetic ping answered my question.
I asked Source to implode all of that, all of the energy I had invested in that image, let it supernova and be set free. I almost toppled off the side of the bed. That was a lot. How funny, I mused. And, the imprints were held in my physical body and almost nowhere else.
This period of illness, enforced quiet, and cellular shifting, has been a cosmic re-set of this body. It has been odd to be in the body, experiencing what she experiences, and also observing the morph in place from infinite other realms.
I freely admit that I loved being a martial arts instructor, particularly the part where I was able to assist 6 women in receiving their first black belts. I recently told a friend that her awakening felt like that to me. It held that much joy and gratitude. She passed a milestone, let her Source essence take over, and I was there, able to facilitate her journey. What a privilege! And, I have witnessed her physical transformations, which always happen after a major awakening, as I have with others of you. It is truly a wonder.
I have felt that sense of joy and privilege with a few of you now. Know that there is more. There will be more expansions. Don’t hold on! The whole ‘blissed-out',’ Christ Consciousness, or Buddahood Bliss, is a phase. Some get stuck there. I pray you will not. Sometimes it feels as if the being you thought was awakened is ‘gone.’ That’s true, but not in the way your mind tries to convince you.
Oh, don’t worry, the joy never leaves. Peace settles in the heart. Being Source becomes your life. But, that initial bliss everyone seeks? It’s the gateway drug for enlightenment. Rest in it! Enjoy it! You will experience something deeper that persists and expands, becoming a tide that sweeps all else away. Let it. Trust me on this. The best, or maybe better and better, are yet to be.
Gathering the adamant of that warrior self I used to be, and still am at a different frequency, is the cherry on top of a whole lot of muck dredged up lately. No deletion. Cleanup, at the cellular and systemic levels.
When the waves move in all directions at once, it helps to go deeper. Rest below the churn and let the Source that you are, take over.
It’s quiet down deep…until it isn’t. The image of a breaching whale may help. Freedom in the light for one shining moment, then a return to the depths of all that you are.
Be well. Be safe. And don’t be sorry. There is more light now than ever.
Bises,
