Hello, It’s Me…
photo by Erika Burkhalter
“…It’s important to me that you know you are free…” ~ Todd Rundgren
It’s blog day again and there is so much and so little to say. Writing helps me to focus the lens of creative perception so that Source can move through me, as me, more freely. Through me, as me. I am not any version of “me” you may think you know. More importantly, I am not any version of “me” I may think I know. Neither are you, really. Can you feel how freeing that is?
When I was a young teenager, and my first Teacher became ill and lived in more and more seclusion, I began to dream in earnest. I had always lived mostly absorbed in the nature around me. I had acquaintances at school rather than friends. I couldn’t talk to those kids the way I could talk to the trees. Thanks, Dad, for that house in the woods. I spent more time with trees than people. Some of them let me climb them or sit in their branches. The trees, not the people.
As a child, I had no warm, cuddly laps to curl up in. It was not a harsh or unloving childhood. I was taught self-reliance, which led to Source-reliance. And that has been the greatest gift of all. I look at someone and see their Source essence glowing, their inner fibers and filaments lit up, waiting to express. And then, they say something that makes me realize they don’t see themselves that way. How lucky am I that I was never separated from that way of knowing?!
Most people, when they begin to awaken, fall into all the known traps of spiritual ego. They are insidious, these traps. And, in my current understanding, designed to be that way. Too much up in your own stuff? Finally figured out who you are? Weelll… the joke’s on you! Let’s all have a good laugh! To those of us who have already traversed our inner minefields, it is hilarious and highly entertaining to observe the process. We know just how big an a$$ we have the potential to become. We know how our egos want to act that out. Do you?
You are, of course, free to play the jackass over and over and over again. That’s the beauty of this world. Just when you think you have exhausted its supply of assininity, it comes up again! Our self-designed minefields draw us in over and over until we learn what we designed them to teach us. So, laugh! Laugh at yourself. Laugh at how ludicrous your dreams have been! Laugh at yourself for not honoring the ones that matter.
I never started an organization. Some wanted me to. Probably not you. I never desired to be center stage. It has happened, now and again, to the point where I released the aversion and the false humility. I have been more ruthless with myself than I have ever been with anyone else. Sometimes I wonder if I have done those who study with me a disservice by allowing them to find their own way. But how else do we learn? Some say I am a hard teacher. Bwa-ha-ha! You’re joking me! Some of you know why I laugh. It never once occurred to me to put anyone else through what I have put myself through. You’ll do that for yourselves, if need be.
Three days ago, an infusion occurred. It occurred through me and just for me. Though I suppose it could have been for you as well. Parts of myself I had denied, feeling it was egotistical to acknowledge them, came home. Home. Crystalline filaments of light from the Sirius constellation, what astronomy currently knows as a star cluster, or mystics the Sisterhood of Three, and from the Angelic realms, moved through me and into my inner weave. I know these strands of light so well. I have offered them freely to others. But, apparently, I have never received them unconditionally as “me.” More false humility! Still! Hilarious!
I fell asleep that night, grinning like a fiend, wrapped in the cuddliest lap of all. I really AM THAT! I have been stating for decades that this quality of light is my family, whilst part of me, deep down, thought that was pretentious. Do you feel, anywhere inside you, that your light is pretentious? Do you judge yourself as you fear others may do? Oh, they will, if you hold onto that feeling! Trust me on this.
The mirror is the mirror is the mirror. We use this tool to see ourselves more clearly and to block those images we choose not to see. And, at a certain point in the awakening process, it dissolves. Yet, we sometimes cling to the mirror as a shield. We don’t want the lights turned on early. Some part of us tells the identity of us that we don’t want to be free. The multiverse is a big place. Ginormous, in fact. Open perception means a willingness to perceive, to see, even those things we would hide from, run from, dismiss, and deny, especially in ourselves.
There is such Grace in Gaia’s transition! There is so much more to open to and to learn!
When Source offers you something, don’t waste time telling yourself you don’t know what to do. Source is the Doer. Let Her be what She is! Yourself too.
It has never been my intention to interfere but rather to assist and guide, so that you can find the home within you.
~ Much love! And happy new moon! Set some GREAT intentions!
“It’s important to me that you know you are free. 'Cause I never want to make you change for me.” ~ Todd
***
PS ~ PK, if you ever read this, know that I have pondered your looking-in-the-mirror statement, “Where have you been all my life?” since you said those words. Your glow, at the time, spoke volumes. The part of me that held onto confusion is no more. Thanks. Deep bow.
